Parlour Car ~ Thursday, December 12th, 2013
Listen, it’s chilly outside. We all get it. This happens annually. There’s lots of strategies to help cope with the frigid climate; they may not be for everybody, but until you’ve exhausted all of your keeping-warm options, it’s imperative that you stop complaining about this yearly, very predictable temperature decline. Here at Parlour Car, we recently teamed up with two winter survival experts to bring you a few insider tips to help you endure the arctic conditions:
-Wear two pairs of socks on your feet.
-Wear one pair of socks on your genitals.
-Fill all of your coat pockets and gloves with slices of old ham (for insulation and emergency sustenance).
-Ensure that your reserve of whale fat and walrus skin is abundant (may be stored loosely under floorboards).
-Ideally, procure an actual walrus to snuggle with for the entirety of winter.
-Substitute whiskey for all other liquids, with the exception of rendered animal fat.
-Weep as much as possible, as tears warm the face and soul.
-Attend every occurrence of the Parlour Car brand comedy show; starting this week. Lineup:
Matty Ryan (TBS Just for Laughs; Blackout Diaries)
Ian Abramson (The Whiskey Journal; Double Feature)
Stephanie Hasz (Shinebox Comedy; Comedy Secrets)
Erica Nicole Clark (Jokes and Notes; TBS Just for Laughs)
CJ Toledano (Jimmy Fallon; The Soup; The Onion)
Drew Michael (New album “Lovely”; I Might Be Wrong pod; in town from NYC)
So there you have it. Follow those winter survival tips, grab a best friend or three, have a whiskey or nine, and come peep the show this week. FREE. Doors: 8pm. Show: 9pm. Friendship: everlasting.